@diarydrifter - Erika Hercules

NYC | Photographer | Producer | PR | Writer DiaryDrifter@gmail.com Just a girl & her diary | #diarydrifter
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She’ll hold your hand and not look you in the face 
Scared of the monster she fears to see 
Convinced  and convincing of this creature created 
Until you start to see this metamorphosis manifest 
Beauty now beastly 
And every feature frightful 
Mirrors are now macabre thoughts
As any intention of reflection turns revolting 
But the formidable aspect she aims to focus is not the terrifying target 
For a face has two sides in different light 
She sees the sun and dresses it as distressing 
A stress to break the pile of many 
Forgetting the face hidden in the shadows 
Unsightly to many
Even to the creature itself 
Hoping to peak out and look up at her
But only seen as repugnant 
A fraction of a creature in fear 
Hoping for help 
Reaching into an arms reach 
and touching only her antipathy
#diarydrifter : @solacekiss : @diarydrifter
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diarydrifter
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She’ll hold your hand and not look you in the face Scared of the monster she fears to see Convinced and convincing of this creature created Until you start to see this metamorphosis manifest Beauty now beastly And every feature frightful Mirro

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@meldebarge Yerrrr

Crumbs leaving me crumbled 
As flashes turn into furious fears 
All seeping into my subconscious 
And serene sleep is nowhere to be found 
Dreams dwelling with more devilish demeanors 
Calm clouds rolling into stormy skies 
Thunder in tumultuous tremor 
Lights no longer enlightening exits 
But casting sharp shadows 
Cut into captivating creatures 
More interested in capture than comfort 
As hallways stretch with no back door 
And each entrance opens up a new hell
Welcoming the wonders in my head 
The ones that are far from wonderful 
And keep me from seeing such
The fear that lies under my eyelids 
Preferring a restless night to one with rest 
Knowing true peace lies in the dark I can see 
Not the one that I feel

#diarydrifter
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diarydrifter
32

Crumbs leaving me crumbled As flashes turn into furious fears All seeping into my subconscious And serene sleep is nowhere to be found Dreams dwelling with more devilish demeanors Calm clouds rolling into stormy skies Thunder in tumultuous trem

Wake Up
I don’t smell of cigarettes 
But I’ll smoke you until your filter turns amber 
And I keep pouring you another glass 
Hoping the lens you see through turns rose 
And you love me again 
Dazed in confusion 
Delirious in momentary madness 
Until you choose me
And I choose the next red to open 
Our love only aged a few years 
And yet as sweet as a lifetime 
And as smooth as the one we imagined 
Cheers to another life 
Another dream 
I wake up from to find an empty bed 
And your skin being touched by the sun as you flip the pancakes on the stove 
But no rose filter here 
Only black and white 
To find my companion an ash tray 
And my kitchen a mess 
@solacekiss x #diarydrifter
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16

I don’t smell of cigarettes But I’ll smoke you until your filter turns amber And I keep pouring you another glass Hoping the lens you see through turns rose And you love me again Dazed in confusion Delirious in momentary madness Until you choo

DUMBO, Brooklyn
To seek the end 
I will find where it began 
And in its hidden home
The root of my restlessness in its residence
The dwelling of my demons 
Even if an infinite investment 
I’d rather fight than fear

#diarydrifter * @solacekiss, a mind only fairly represented by the beauty in a brewing storm. Looking forward to more ethereal creations and conversations
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diarydrifter
17

To seek the end I will find where it began And in its hidden home The root of my restlessness in its residence The dwelling of my demons Even if an infinite investment I’d rather fight than fear #diarydrifter * @solacekiss , a mind only fairly re

DUMBO, Brooklyn
She told herself not to go down this road again
And yet here she goes 
Walking through the curves of his smile
And past the rustle of his hair 
Feeling the breeze of his shallow breath as he lays next to her 
Knowing the dangerous end to this path 
Yet walking each milestone as if it were endless 
And not leading off and into the cliff she seems to continuously trip into 
Always falling inside the same hole
They say she never learns her lesson
Hey each one feels like a new lane 
But always leading to the same inescapable void 
Not like the one she holds inside
But one far more vast
Darker and more dreary 
For even through a stormy past she’s always glided with a smirk
As devils do 
But some devils weren’t made from fire 
Some were born in it 
And the burning she feels will never end 
For it fuels the void 
You’d think fire would give light 
And yet
Here she goes 
Turning on the same bend she always does 
Towards the word she’s now become familiar with 
The synonym to eternal panic 
Resulting in a dark demise 
Feeling

#diarydrifter
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19

She told herself not to go down this road again And yet here she goes Walking through the curves of his smile And past the rustle of his hair Feeling the breeze of his shallow breath as he lays next to her Knowing the dangerous end to this path Y

The try too hard that gives 100 when most people meet in the middle 
No in-betweens between the cliff and the wanderer who just leaps in
She’s an adrenaline addict 
Journeying junkie 
Taking a crash course in eventual crashes because what’s the fun in flying if not the eventuality of a fall 
If you asked for the world she’d crunch it until it fit into your pocket 
If you asked for a minute, she’d give you an hour
A day
A lifetime 
She’s lived many 
Seen many walk by 
But how many will pass until one finally stops and sits next to her 
She’ll never ask for a minute 
And never ask for the world 
For she values both on the same plane 
So if you give her a minute, you give her a planet 
An hour is a galaxy 
And a lifetime is the universe 
Infinite and infectious 
She’ll never ask for more even if her selfish tendencies ask her to claw at the sand running through her fingers and hold on for dear life 
Feeling wasn’t what brought her here 
To cling to the vine at the end off the cliff 
But what keeps bringing her back 
You’re the past reminder of the demons she’s toppled
And the present fear 
Of a future she doesn’t know how to leap into
And nevertheless 
Looking into the darkness hidden behind a warming smile 
Her fingers release 
As only his hand will on the trigger 
#diarydrifter
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18

The try too hard that gives 100 when most people meet in the middle No in-betweens between the cliff and the wanderer who just leaps in She’s an adrenaline addict Journeying junkie Taking a crash course in eventual crashes because what’s the fun i

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@bymaxwell Sister act 🖤👌🏻👏🏻☝🏻

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You told me 
You told me the beauty of my words and the span of my mind made up for the outside beauty I lacked 
You told me it was about balance, so I looked for the beauty in your words only to find the dark corner you hid me in
You told me I knew the way out and handed me my clothes 
You told me I could be like the girls you think about, if only I worked hard enough 
You told me going out in public was a social hassle, that dates beyond the apartment door required for us to be seen in public together 
You told me I didn’t fit into my life because I fit into yours, lost puzzle pieces connected by a bleak “I love you” neither one of us felt or meant
You told me she’d be gone the moment I asked for it, even if I’ve been in her place as well as mine enough times to know how it ends 
You told me that holding hands was for people who needed embraces to fill empty spaces, so I called myself a coloring book
You told me you’d be there the moment I called...three days later 
You told me I have sad eyes when I smile, maybe I should’ve told you that you were the reason why
You told me that I’d be happier if I switched a slice with a salad 
You told me that you’d always listen, after you were done speaking of course 
You told me I was the only body you wanted to hold close...for that evening 
You told me my past makes me who I am, and finally, you were right 
You told me I was getting there, as you poked at the areas you wanted me to change
You told me everything I never wanted to hear, not because it was true, but because you made me believe they were 
You told me you love the way I see the world, covering my eyes with the lens you saw it with 
You told me you hate fluff conversation, so you filled the gaps of silence with plastic sentiment and filling the physical gap with another body 
You told me the things you thought, mesmerizing me with the sparks that fired in your brain and passed through your phone chord 
You told me I was the darkest girl you’ve ever dated, but you meant my skin complexion and not my mind 
You told me you were busy, so when I dropped off lunch I didn’t think you meant with someone
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You told me You told me the beauty of my words and the span of my mind made up for the outside beauty I lacked You told me it was about balance, so I looked for the beauty in your words only to find the dark corner you hid me in You told me I knew

I made fun of those girls. 
The ones who would risk it all for a soft kiss and warm embrace 
But as you pulled away I felt, just as they did. 
The warmth rushing out, a guest you wished would have stayed longer 
The blanket pulled off of you
and this wake up call is one I should have attended to
But what fun is a car chase if you get off at a red light 
So here, and now, in a speed demon race that has come to a halt, you decide to stay
Just as they did
I made fun of those girls 
And as light the ignition, I'm sure they're making fun of me too

#diarydrifter
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11

I made fun of those girls. The ones who would risk it all for a soft kiss and warm embrace But as you pulled away I felt, just as they did. The warmth rushing out, a guest you wished would have stayed longer The blanket pulled off of you and this

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I’m telling myself to stop getting used to you 
To stop dreaming to your heartbeat as it plays over my mind 
The sweet sound of your breath as you fall asleep next to me 
Because i know where this road leads 
That path I’m going down 
And i know the cliff it’s driving me to 
And i am fucking scared 
And adrenaline junkie terrified of going too fast 
A paradoxical fear
Not because of the wind rushing past
But the time 
I don’t want it to end 
Not just yet 
Not ever 
In instances like these I act like the scared child i always hid behind me 
The one tugging at me leg saying “let’s go home” 
Holding on to a hand i never want to let go of
Because the truth is that it’s never been held 
A face never embraced 
A forehead never kissed 
A body never held 
Frost bitten by the wind that sweeps into the space an embrace left empty 
And so i admit it 
That my fear may be mundane 
And yet it burns the back of my mind as only hellfire could 
You see
Girls like me don’t get chances with guys like you 
Because we’re in the background 
Not the girl to turn heads in a room 
But the ones already seated in the bar
Staring more into a glass than into bright lights 
I am not the lightbulb most of the time but the lamp everyone forgets to turn on 
And yet you’ve flipped the switch on everything I’ve known 
For i did not know how powerful a simple touch could be 
Or how a few words could make you skin hum as only electricity wiring could 
Because that night 
The night it took off
You didn’t ask me to 
You told me to stay 
One word so foreign to me i had to hide my utter disbelief 
You said stay 
Not “you know the way out” (And just in case, I had already memorized the way out)
And you didn’t stop there
You did so much
And acted as if it was so little 
But you changed everything with a few simple actions 
Then that other night 
You brought me the one thing that can be bought, but whose worth isn’t marred by a price tag 
Maybe you passed it on your way
Or thought “it’s a nice house gift”
A simple gift with simple colors and a gimmicky history 
But it was something new 
Something truly beautiful 
Something chosen 
A feeling that I finally felt 
Felt?

#diarydrifter
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14

I’m telling myself to stop getting used to you To stop dreaming to your heartbeat as it plays over my mind The sweet sound of your breath as you fall asleep next to me Because i know where this road leads That path I’m going down And i know the

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@bymaxwell ALL OF THIS

I cried over a broken cigarette 
Fallen over the lovely green 
Ashes mixing with the dirt as the paper dies and the Tabasco smokes 
I ask myself why I fall in love and look down 
The explanation being right there 
I aim to fall
Eventually breaking
But see myself among the lively street signs and neon glow of cars speeding by 
Lose myself in the dark alleyways and run wild in the busy sidewalks 
I live for the embrace I know will be replaced by the cold winter wind 
And the hand that will eventually let go 
Yet even as I burn next to the clovers and wild grass 
I still burn
With a fierce intensity only driven by the embers of memories 
Sunsets blistering through the paper 
Cloudy Sunday mornings peeking from out from the ashes 
Dispersing into the air as I reach for another pack hoping to begin again
New story 
Same ending

#diarydrifter
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diarydrifter
6

I cried over a broken cigarette Fallen over the lovely green Ashes mixing with the dirt as the paper dies and the Tabasco smokes I ask myself why I fall in love and look down The explanation being right there I aim to fall Eventually breaking Bu

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@bymaxwell Seven blessings saviour

You only love me when you’re drunk 
For you can only see beauty through this amber lens 
Seeing sunset skies 
Where sober eyes see normality 
A selfish me wants to keep you drunk
In the murky mirage of an image only swayed by dark liquor and light humor
As words spill from you, underlying with a scent of whiskey 
Sweet woodford and melodious nothings in between cigarette pulls 
while pulling me in closer
Swaying me as you sway to find a seat
One of us is drunk from a bottle
The other from the words found swimming at the bottom 
Tonight, you’ll only see through glass kaleidoscope of care
A double-vision of divinity and desire 
A glimmering glass that brings you closer to me 
Yet pulls you away as the curtains do and the sunlight of a new day cuts through 
Like the broken glass from a bottle that emptied 
Because niceties come in rounds of Woodford
And end when the sobering starts

#diarydrifter
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21

You only love me when you’re drunk For you can only see beauty through this amber lens Seeing sunset skies Where sober eyes see normality A selfish me wants to keep you drunk In the murky mirage of an image only swayed by dark liquor and light hu

San Juan, Puerto Rico
Most of the time 
My mind is more than I’m able to write 
And more than I’m able to say 
For curving nightmares into silky letters isn’t a process that flows as easily as stitching wounds together with sweet words 
One can easily write 
But to add meaning is to add an essence 
To give life to the reel of pictures that play in your mind 
A voice to the silent ghosts 
To give warmth to the bed left empty and open the shutters to a dusty dark room
Writing provides comfort where an embrace is absent 
Wrapping its soft lines around the places arms could never reach
The deeper places 
Soothing the deep void within that resonates with a mere reminiscence of a soul
And bubbles with the fury of hellfire 
Even if the thunder is quiet and no sound escapes the shadows 
And so writing in itself provides a voice
To those who aim to speak 
But are drowned out by the blaring of Taxi cabs, roaring subways, and cluttered conversation 
Writing sticks
Just like Hearts 
sticky little mousetraps clinging to the tail of misfortune 
Only appealing to those trying to eat of it 
Aiming for a piece inside 
But looking for peace inside 
Tumultuous beings with internal rows translated into plastic conversations 
Polluting the air with wasteful breaths lacking intention
One can easily speak
But the lifespan of a word falls short without purpose 
#diarydrifter
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6

Most of the time My mind is more than I’m able to write And more than I’m able to say For curving nightmares into silky letters isn’t a process that flows as easily as stitching wounds together with sweet words One can easily write But to add me

San Juan, Puerto Rico
I hid in the shadows because you put me there 
Too embarrassed of hanging me on your arm 
Like a wet coat after a summer rainstorm
You hung me back in the closet 
Reaching to the far end and dropping me to the bottom 
And only reaching back when you had nothing else to wear
I hid in the shadows because you found it easier to have a shadow hang after you
Tailing you
Waiting at the bottom of the table for you to spill tiny crumbs of affection
I hid in the shadows so you could come find me 
Knowing it’s the only place you would be willing to look
For a shadow is the closest thing to normal that an anomaly like me could do, you said 
Natural anomaly 
A reoccurring tornado
A scheduled lighting storm
How ironically appalling
I hid in the city of your mind scape, finding myself in between the smoky alleyways
Waiting at the end of a fire escape 
only wishing to climb to the roof and into the light,
out of the shadows and into the world 
And it wasn’t until after I had cleared the smoke below and reached for a glowing fire escape 
That I realized 
I didn’t hide myself in the shadows
You did. 
#diarydrifter
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11

I hid in the shadows because you put me there Too embarrassed of hanging me on your arm Like a wet coat after a summer rainstorm You hung me back in the closet Reaching to the far end and dropping me to the bottom And only reaching back when you

San Juan, Puerto Rico
We don't follow logic, for we know logic takes away the time we don't have
Your voice
quieting the storm
changing the hues in my mental storm
painting over them
changing the greys into reds and oranges
sunset skies peaking over my thoughts 
sunlit chariots soaring over the prismatic clouds of memories waiting to be made 
pulled by golden thoughts and dulcet tones
how i miss those sweet words
not intoxicating honey
vivacious sweetness in simple phrases
but can a phrase such as that be so simple?
beige I love you’s dry on the wall as your words overpower the cracked bleak hue that has laid in my memory for centuries 
centuries 
centuries waiting to witnesses such a succulent sound
how I have stared at a wall for so long and hoped for a change
and how your words could permute such a dreary mind
your words, curved brushes painting Walt’s thoughts 
growing flowers in a dessert land once deemed inhabitable 
setting fireworks in toxic air 
lighting an abyss once reckoned to be interminable 
but from that chasm I saw the sky
the fireworks
the smile that came across your lips as a melody swayed from your fingertips onto the keys of an old grand piano
the lips i wished to embrace
with mine
an embrace almost as continuous as my abyss

but no rope is long enough to carry me out
and no electric chord can reach far enough, for a socket is always bounding it back
and so there I lay
my eyes fixed on the sparks among the clouds
my heart slowing as you hang up the phone
growing darker as my screen goes black

#diarydrifter
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12

We don't follow logic, for we know logic takes away the time we don't have Your voice quieting the storm changing the hues in my mental storm painting over them changing the greys into reds and oranges sunset skies peaking over my thoughts sunlit ch

East Hampton, New York
You were true wanderlust in a wine glass
Vivaciously dancing with the melting ice in my Woodford crystalline cup 
Always drawing me in for a taste 
Only to leave me swimming at the bottom of the bottle
I drowned my sorrows in you
Hoping for a mild taste of tranquility in the storm I sailed indefinitely 
I saw no Island around and yet you were the oases I needed 
The solace I craved and the rest stop for the continuous wanderer 
But as the bottle runs empty 
And the oases dries up
I realize it was a temporary breath
You’re a motel, not a home

#diarydrifter
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diarydrifter
12

You were true wanderlust in a wine glass Vivaciously dancing with the melting ice in my Woodford crystalline cup Always drawing me in for a taste Only to leave me swimming at the bottom of the bottle I drowned my sorrows in you Hoping for a mild ta

East Hampton, New York
He asked what's in a name? But what's in a thought?
Which much like a name, a word is more destructive than anything spouted from a .45 caliber 
A piercing sound, ripping through a person's body and soul, spilling into their system and mixing with the electrical signals, cutting of the circulation of feeling as the one thought takes over
A weapon, spreading like venom, strung together by a few syllables and pulled together by haunting sounds 
Welcome to this nightmare, not the one in between the sheets or next to the skeletons in your closet, the ones roaming your body. Humming through your skin and teasing at your fingertips. It's the dirt you've kicked which stuck to the bottom of your shoe, seeped through your socks and stuck to your feet, serving as a reminder of all the painful miles you've treaded and all the deserted roads you have yet to take

#diarydrifter
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diarydrifter
21

He asked "what's in a name?" But what's in a thought? Which much like a name, a word is more destructive than anything spouted from a .45 caliber A piercing sound, ripping through a person's body and soul, spilling into their system and mixing with

East Hampton, New York
They told her that what she needed was the fire to her ice
But she had that already 
With a black inferno calmly brewing inside and an arctic at her fingertips, should she need any more? 
Each hand balancing a different part of her world 
Passion on one
Burning in intensity, a flame that didn’t draw people in but scared them away, for only the ones who shared such a level of passion were prepared for its heat
And in the other, her desire and heart
Cold to the touch, icing out all those who tried to break its gleaming glass, but underestimating its resilience 
Dark and deep, it’s lay waiting for the person with the right light to find it

Laying with both extremities
She accepted no such person existed 
But the balance she once had fought such ideas 
As passion fought intellectual focus 
Heart vs Mind
And the war inside began 
She knew she would be happy being ambivalent in regards to a world of feeling
And yet that passion, seeping addiction to care and comfort fought to take over 
And her need for a warm body next to her arose to the surface of her skin
But a need is not a priority 
And luckily she knew 
Quieting the chaos with reason
Reasoning the thoughts of being alone
And in such thoughts she found comfort 
For loneliness isn’t about being alone 
And being alone doesn’t make you lonely 
#diarydrifter
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20

They told her that what she needed was the fire to her ice But she had that already With a black inferno calmly brewing inside and an arctic at her fingertips, should she need any more? Each hand balancing a different part of her world Passion on

Toronto, Ontario
Thank you for giving me the strength to write things i never could before 
The strength to embrace the fire that burned inside and accept the same one that burned me 
To embrace the scars and open wounds all the same
Treating them as past even if they had yet to heal
Propelling me in the fast lane
Never letting me press down on the breaks because life keeps moving, and every destination you reach will be better than the last
Not always prettier, but better
For accepting the “not okay” person
For the person in the glass pedestal cracked it open at 14 and had continued to step on the glass ever since
And you found that better, more raw human inside 
The one most people ran from
But you didn’t
Because despite the blood ties we share (For we share more than a name and a familial strand of puzzle pieces in our blood)
You chose to keep me close
To always guide and teach
Wisdom flowing from every sentence 
Even at 2am when i feared the shadows in my mind, you lit the candle showing me they were just empty silhouettes 
And so i thank you
For punching a wall over breakfast food
Because the stitches on your hand didn’t just heal it
It healed us
And finding the common ground we did changed my entire world
And in a mindset where i considered myself alone
The sound of a fist against plaster woke me up
Showing me the person next to me
Who would always be next to me
And who would fight wars for me and with me, even if they were against myself 
And for that 
I wouldn’t just take a bullet for you
But an Arsenal
A whole universe if necessary 
And thus finding it necessary, yet never stating it enough 
Thank you 
#diarydrifter
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27

Thank you for giving me the strength to write things i never could before The strength to embrace the fire that burned inside and accept the same one that burned me To embrace the scars and open wounds all the same Treating them as past even if the

Toronto, Ontario